A Hulking Thanksgiving Dinner
by pinfeather
Summary: Post-Fall of the Hulks. Under a tentative truce, the various Hulks regroup for Thanksgiving Dinner. It doesn't go well.


A HULKING THANSGIVING DINNER

Post-Fall of the Hulks

Cast

**The Hulk**

**She-Hulk**

**Red Hulk**

**Red She-Hulk**

**Lyra**

**Skaar**

**Hiro-Kala**

**Doc Samson**

**A-Bomb**

**Marlo Chandler**

**Thundra**

**Caiera the Oldstrong**

_**A brief intro for those readers who, for whatever reason (e.g. work, family, having a life), haven't been following the comic book storyline:**_

_The Hulk was married to Betty Ross, but she died. _

_Later, on the planet Sakaar, he married Caiera the Oldstrong, an alien with the power to control stone somehow (I've never been exactly sure of the details). She was pregnant with twins, but died in an explosion. The grief-stricken Hulk went back to Earth on a rampage._

_Somewhere in here, the warrior woman Thundra traveled back from the future and got ahold of the Hulk's DNA. She took it into the future with her and used it to create a test tube baby, her daughter with the Hulk. She named the girl Lyra._

_Caiera's twin sons actually survived the explosion. Skaar was a Hulk. Hiro-Kala was an Oldstrong. Skaar, a being full of rage and hate, managed to get to Earth, where he did battle with his father. Hiro-Kala stayed on his home planet for a while longer._

_Meanwhile, back on Earth, Betty Ross Banner and her father, General Thunderbolt Ross, had been dead – but they came back as Red Hulks._

_And let's not forget the Hulk's cousin She-Hulk, or his friends Rick and Marlo Jones. Rick had just been turned into an Abomination-like creature known as A-Bomb. Doc Samson, an old friend and psychologist, turned evil and apparently died in an explosion._

_Just now, the family has reunited during a tentative truce. Little do they know that Hiro-Kala is on his way here . . . but they may not make it to his arrival._

The doorbell rang.

"Who is it now?" Red She-Hulk growled in frustration. She had been mixing batter in a plastic bowl, but she now tossed the spoon across the room. Narrowly missing She-Hulk, the utensil impaled itself on the wall. Red had recently broken through her programming, but was still a little edgy.

"I'll get it," Green She-Hulk said, eyeing her. She strode to the door, opened the door, and . . .

"You're _dead_!"

"On the contrary, I am not dead," Doc Samson proudly said, standing astride the doorstep. The Red Hulk stood, seething, behind him.

The Incredible Green Hulk, his son Skaar, and A-Bomb came around from the backyard. A-Bomb was holding a football, which looked comically small in his big blue hand.

"Guys?" Green She-Hulk called. "Isn't Doc Samson supposed to be dead?"

"What? Of course he is," A-Bomb said, puzzled. Then he saw the tall green-haired man.

"Aw, man . . ."

"You see," Samson explained matter-of-factly, "the moment before I was incinerated, I was conveniently given the powers of Captain Universe. I merely made it _look _like I had died. Now that my tenure as Captain Universe has ended, I have returned to—"

WHOMP

"Green-haired man is dead _now_," snarled the Hulk, triumphantly, wiping off his hands.

"Oh. Lovely." Green She-Hulk backed away. "Well, that probably won't last long, given that he still has a contract with Marvel. In the meantime, does anyone want to eat?"

Inside, the Hulk's daughter, Lyra, was listening to her iPod and chopping potatoes. Red She-Hulk was putting bread rolls into the oven as she ranted.

"MODOK was just getting what he deserved! That creep turned me into the Harpy once! Oh, you've never met a Harpy? They're these hideous things that screech and flap around and shed green feathers everywhere—"

"Excuse me!" Marlo, A-Bomb's pretty redheaded wife, was offended. "I was a Harpy, too—and that was pretty recent."

"Oh, hi, Dad," Red She-Hulk called as Red Hulk came in.

"Where's the food?" he grunted.

"MEN DIE!"

"Oh, no," muttered Lyra, hearing the shout even through her headphones. She dropped the potatoes, the cutting board, and the knife into Red Hulk's arms, and ran for the door.

"Okay, I _guess _this counts as food," Rulk said grumpily.

Lyra arrived at the door to find Thundra whirling a long chain in a circle, about to let it fly at Skaar.

"Mom! No!" shrieked Lyra.

Thundra stopped, letting go of the chain. It went twirling harmlessly off into the air.

(It landed five counties away, slicing through two cars and nearly decapitating a tree before it lost momentum. As I said – harmless.)

"My baby!" Thundra cried, hugging Lyra. "Oh, my goodness, you've grown!"

Skaar and the Hulk both growled.

"I'll just go . . . uh . . . somewhere else," muttered A-Bomb.

"Mom, this is Skaar, my half-brother. And, uh, you know Dad."

"Oh, hello!" Thundra smiled. She held up a covered dish. "All the girls back in Femizonia pitched in to make cookies. Don't worry, they're not poisoned. And they _certainly_ aren't full of nanobots programmed to take cell scrapings back to the future!" She laughed loudly.

"Uh, heh heh." Lyra giggled nervously. "Let's go inside, Mom."

Thundra walked in. The first thing she saw was a couch flying at her.

She nimbly deflected it with the cookie dish. It (the couch, not the cookie dish) went crashing harmlessly into a wall. The cookie dish was miraculously unharmed.

"Wow, what a warm welcome!" Thundra said cheerfully. "Oh, Betty! It's wonderful to see you!"

Red She-Hulk was standing in the kitchen doorway, poised to scratch out Thundra's eyes. "You and I are going to have _words_."

"Oh, is this about the cell-scraping thing?" Thundra rolled her eyes. "That was forever ago, Betty. Cookie?" She held up the dish.

"GrrrRRRRR . . ."

Green She-Hulk popped out of the kitchen and squeezed out in front of Red She-Hulk. "Um, Betty, the rolls are burning."

With a final snarl at Thundra, Red stalked back through the kitchen door into a cloud of steam.

Not much later, they were all sitting around a long table piled high with food. Marlo, the only totally human person there, smiled nervously up at A-Bomb.

"Um," said She-Hulk, trying hard to sound happy and excited. "Who wants to say grace?"

The Green Hulk, on the other side, crushed a stainless steel serving spoon in his huge hand. The Red Hulk, on one end of the table, fumed silently.

"Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?" Marlo asked nervously.

There was a brief pause.

"That's none of your business!" Skaar yelled suddenly.

Everyone turned to look at him.

"What did I say?" Marlo asked.

"Not you!" Skaar pointed an accusing finger at a small rock which was, for some reason, sitting next to his plate. "Her!"

"Why is there a rock on the table?" immediately shrieked Lyra. "I washed the tablecloth specifically for this dinner. WHY IS THERE SOME OLD ROCK ON MY TABLECLOTH?"

"That is not a rock," hissed Skaar, pointing his fork at her. "That is my mom."

Everyone went deathly silent.

"What," Red She-Hulk said, very slowly, "is WRONG with you?"

"I'll rephrase," said Skaar. "My mother's ghost lived on after her death, through the stones of her planet. I blew up the planet, but she still lives on, in this rock."

Green She-Hulk began slowly banging her forehead against the table.

"It's a rock and it's on my clean tablecloth," Lyra said slowly, dangerously.

"She has a point," A-Bomb said reluctantly.

The Green Hulk looked at the rock. "Caiera? Hello?" He looked up at Skaar. "Not answering."

"I'm the only one who can hear her!" roared Skaar. "Don't tell me that concept is too much to grasp!"

The Red Hulk stood up slowly, accidentally nudging the table forward. "EVERYONE. SHUT. UP."

Everyone did so.

"Well, the supermarket is putting up Easter decorations," Marlo said brightly.

Red She-Hulk got up and marched out.

"Where are you going?" called Green She-Hulk.

"Getting the turkey."

"Okay, then . . ."

A sulky Skaar glared over at Lyra. She was listening to her iPod again, but noticed him looking and stuck her tongue out at him.

Red She-Hulk strode back in, bearing a huge platter with a _really _huge turkey on top of it. She plunked it down in the center of the table and laid a long, vicious-looking butcher knife next to it. She stepped back and placed her hands on her hips.

"Okay, who's going to slice the turkey?"

"I will!" bellowed Red Hulk.

"HULK SMASH STUPID TURKEY!" snarled Green Hulk.

Red She-Hulk glanced back and forth. She looked at Red Hulk and said, "I think he means you, Daddy."

With a roar, Red Hulk flung himself across the table at Green Hulk. The dishes and food flew. Everyone scattered, knocking over chairs and potted plants. The two Hulks wrestled each other through the wall into the next room.

Skaar and Lyra started to grapple.

"Get . . . that . . . rock . . . off . . . my tablecloth!"

Red She-Hulk tackled Thundra.

"IT WAS JUST A DNA SAMPLE!"

With everyone else brawling, Green She-Hulk, A-Bomb, and Marlo glanced at each other.

"Time to go," A-Bomb said, taking Marlo's hand.

The foundations of the house were shuddering as they reached the door. They opened it and . . .

"I'm back!" Doc Samson said.

A-Bomb kept walking, right over him.

"And he's gone again," Marlo said matter-of-factly.

Behind them, the house collapsed.

They waited a few minutes. Then the wreckage erupted. Six forms – three green, two red, and one pink – leapt from the wreckage.

"Are you quite finished?" Green She-Hulk asked sarcastically.

"No more turkey." Green Hulk shrugged.

Red Hulk was muttering curses under his breath.

"I've got your rock!" gurgled Lyra.

"Skaar, take your sister out of that headlock!" Red She-Hulk snarled. She had Thundra in a chokehold, but showed no signs of letting go.

Skaar abruptly let go of Lyra and she fell to the ground, still holding the rock-that-was-Caiera. He stared up wide-eyed at the sky.

"What?" Lyra asked. Then she followed his gaze.

Everyone looked up at the huge, stone spaceship, descending from the sky in a blaze of light. It was Hiro-Kala's Stoneship, home of the survivors of the wreckage of Sakaar.

"Someone we should know?" A-Bomb grunted, watching the ship reach the ground.

"Doc Samson, maybe," suggested Marlo.

Green Hulk shrugged. "Let's smash it."

THE END… thankfully.


End file.
